Well we avoided COVID in the Dito-Goodrich household for almost 4 years but Miles tested positive last Saturday. He has what is considered a mild case, and I feel like we are super lucky to have avoided it for so long. I am afraid to see what a not-so-mild case looks like because he’s pretty miserable with a cough, headache, and brain fog. The kids and I are symptom-free and testing negative and Miles has been isolating in our bedroom since his positive test.
This has turned our world upside down, and no, it is not lost on me what others have gone through with serious illness related to COVID as well as multiple instances of having to deal with it. It sucks a lot. I have been sleeping on the couch. I struggle to attain good rest even in the best of times in my own cozy bed, so this lack of comfort is torturing me. It’s been 4 nights and I am just chronically unrested now with my own insomnia and stress-related brain fog. Of course work is super busy and complicated with problems to solve right now as well.
In an unfortunate turn of events, I am also dealing with a flat (ish) tire which I have not been able to resolve (my flat-tire resolver person is sick in bed, I will get it to the shop eventually) and so I’ve been driving Miles’ car, for which I am grateful but it also throws me off my game, you know? Wrong bed, wrong car, all my routines are messed up. I’m sharing a bathroom with the kids and sneaking into my room periodically (all masked up, Miles masked too) to get things I need. I have realized how much I rely on the continuity of my routines to ground me and help deal with my natural tendancy toward anxiety. It’s not good right now. The thought of maybe contracting COVID is not helping my stress either. I’m living in a sea of grey areas right now and I am black-and-white person. It’s a challenge, or maybe an opportunity to work on this in myself. I’m trying.
I have found that I’m currently obsessed with washing dishes. I’m not obsessed because of the desire to clean germs. At this point, I feel confident that my thorough hand washing or dishwasher washing will remove any COVID-y germs from the plates and utensils. I just want the kitchen to be in order at all times because it’s one small thing I have control over. At least the dishes are clean. At least the countertops are shiny.
Also, it’s my mom’s birthday today and that is always so super sad for me. I haven’t had a good cry over it yet (I will) because I’m literally too busy to cry. I want to lie in the fetal position with my dog, Freddie, in my bed with the covers over my head and take a nap. I want to think of my mom and have a cry and then actually sit in the same room with Miles and talk and laugh.
I know the mild COVID and the flat (ish) tire and whatever minor inconveniences I’m experiencing currently can be classified as “bummer” and by no means serious issues. I know lumping them all into the “see, everything is wrong” bucket won’t do me any good, and I’m actively working against my natural inclination to do just that. Yesterday morning, after sleeping terribly and feeling overwhelmed before I got out of bed (couch), my computer crashed and then I found the flat tire within about 10 minutes of each other. I fought against deciding a black cloud is following me. I know that it’s random and nobody is out to get me. I have to say it out loud to believe it.
Today I got a problem solved at work that’s been vexing me since the beginning of the month. That felt good. Today is my mom’s birthday, which makes me sad but I’m also trying to make space for myself to just remember her and appreciate what she gave to me. Pete remarked on our way to his program this morning when he saw a full rainbow in the sky: “Maybe that’s a sign from Grandma Marilyn.” It makes my heart squeeze a bit when he calls her that as he never had the opportunity to say it to her directly. There is no resolving that, and although it’s way bigger than a bummer, it just is. She is not here and has not been here for 24 years.
Before I close, I will share something wonderful. Two of my friends texted me today with this image, which they found in their mailboxes today:
That’s the cover to the newest catalog for our Adult School in Castro Valley. Those are all the current interns, and there’s my handsome son on the cover! I can’t wait to find it in my own mailbox soon.
Cheese Holiday 