
I’m sitting in the airport awaiting my flight to Frankfurt, then on to SFO and home. It’s been a great week — difficult in some ways but also a week that I think taught me a bunch of things about myself personally as well as professionally. A week of growth!
This is an amazing place. At first, it almost felt like a utopia. Clean and efficient public transit, super safe, nobody harassing anyone on the street, yet with access to all the things that I enjoy in an urban setting such as beautiful architecture, cultural points of interest, and great restaurants. Also the cost of living here is so much easier compared to where I live. Most people speak English here as well, which just made things less complicated for me.
I have spent a lot of time lamenting that I cannot afford to purchase a home in the Bay Area. I also felt like there was no other place in the country (and I wasn’t thinking globally) that we could live and also be happy. I thought myself into being stuck with no options. After my recent trip to Santa Fe and even Chico, CA, I am realizing that there ARE other places that could suit me and maybe even give me a better lifestyle that what I experience in Castro Valley. Change is hard. It just is, but I am starting to think I’m brave enough to face it. I have thought of moving to another country when I was afraid of 45 getting a second term. Travelling to Prague has reignited that idea and it’s exciting to consider.
I know I’m a full grown adult, but coming to Prague alone was really scary for me, but I DID IT and I enjoyed it and I managed every challenge I faced. I sort of decided I wasn’t going to be embarrassed for asking questions or making mistakes or anything. That I was just going to be ME, and that included having to ask a LOT of questions to my much younger co-workers (kind of how Luca is always helping me with technology) and I just thought SO WHAT. So what if they think I’m a dork? Who cares? I didn’t particularly feel like they were bothered by me anyway, but still, so what? I was constantly self-talking myself internally (and sometimes out loud, lol) and reassuring myself that I could do things and it was all going to be fine.
I think we are all probably smarter and more capable than we give ourselves credit for. If I could figure out how to financially support myself and two kids on my own, I could surely figure out which train to take or where my gate is in a foreign airport. Right? Since the pandemic, I have been pretty isolated like a lot of us and this is exacerbated by the fact that I work from home. I have never gotten reacclimated into society since the closures. But this trip helped, and I’m staring to feel like part of the world again. I am reminded that most people are nice and helpful, and that even though I’m shy, I can ask for help. I am not helpless.
I did not do much sight-seeing at all (and for the record, my boss was like “you should have planned a longer trip so you could have had some fun.” Actually the CEO said this to me as well. Next time.) I worked really long hours and spent my time compiling information and solving problems. Hard but satisfying work. I was on a call with my boss yesterday and he gave me a fantastic compliment: he said that I clearly have an ability to make people feel safe and heard. This made me feel great. This trip was a success, even if I never got to the Prague Castle (everyone asked me daily if I had gotten there yet!)
The jobs I have had were never really my choice. I took my teaching role at OLG because I needed a job in short order when I left my marriage. I was interested in teaching (dance) and that job allowed me to work part-time at first with hours that allowed me to be with my kids a lot. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy it — I did come to love it until I didn’t anymore. My HR job was just a fluke as well initially. I joined my company as a contractor thanks to a friend who worked there and they simply had no HR. They told me after a couple months that they could hire me full time if I would take on the HR role. I had no other big prospects (it’s hard to change careers when you’re 49) so I said yes. Almost everything I learned was from reading and trial-and-error. There was no one to train me. I don’t love my job, but I like it, and the parts where I help people I like a lot. I sometimes lament that I have often let life happen to me instead of driving my future (and I also try to be gentle with myself because this is complex, with self-image and mental health struggles preventing my ability to take action from a pretty young age), but I am proud of what I have accomplished professionally. The warm reception from my Czech co-workers helped me to feel like I’m doing something right, even from very far away.
I think I will be back here before too long. I need to bring Luca with me! And Miles, but I know that might be tough with his work schedule. There is an art school here that Luca could go to and it’s not even that expensive. There are options outside of my small world in the Bay Area, and it’s time to consider them.
Flight to Frankfurt has been delayed so send all the good vibes that I make my connection to SFO. Nashledanou for now!